Single And Fabulous?

Biggest fear of a father isn’t that his daughter will run away but that she would refuse to marry. Nowadays, parents accept love/inter-caste marriage as long as there is a formal girl-boy marriage (God save LGBT). Educating your daughter and letting her choose to work is an acceptable practice these days in a certain section of society but a surprisingly high number of ladies in that exact same category choose to study further or go to a different city to work for the sole purpose of dodging the topic of marriage. Are we seeing a sudden upsurge of women not wanting to get married, or at least taking a long time to make-up their minds?

Now that these women are finally allowed to have freedom to choose their career and guys in their lives, they are unimpressed  with just that, they want more, much more. Independence is something you just can’t have enough of. Women now have their way while deciding field of study, jobs and ways to spend their hard-earned money. Their life, on paper, is perfect. They don’t see a reason to change it any sooner than it is required and that usually means unless there is too much pressure from friends and family members.

When these said family members try to lure you towards marriage, plus-point they show is stability. What does this stability really mean? For many women, stability is an important word when it comes to career, but not romantic life. We need a guarantee that it will be there tomorrow what we are doing, but not who we are doing. Sure, everyone needs a company but that is the thing about people these days, they are so darn replaceable. If you are a decent looking girl, guys will flirt with you, guys will ask you out and these guys are all so similar. Or are they just all  the same?

If you, as a girl, are not going to be strong-armed by society, you can date, you can get regular sex, you can live-in, you can have entire relationship without marriage ever factoring in. Only problem is, does it take a toll on you emotionally, do you have to keep a check on how much are you investing emotionally? I can’t help but wonder, is this the reason guys are the way they are in a relationship? Did guys learn this lesson before us? Are we finally learning this lesson? Most importantly, where does this leave our society?

P.S. Choice of language that imparts the idea that society allowed women this freedom is intentional.


7 thoughts on “Single And Fabulous?

  1. It is a matter of what one values in life. Parent’s reputation, expectations and sacrifices; independence; career; or family life to mention some which clouds the judgement of current generation. An intelligent lady will base her decision on the spiritual and material (biological as well – tik tok tik tok) knowledge and values imparted by the education system and her parents. If the education system and parents have let down the child then they deserve the end result i.e. not being given the opportunity to do “kanya daan” and expanding the family tree.

    If independence matters so much to women then why don’t they find husbands who are willing to provide them that freedom. “You CAN have your cake and eat it too”. You as well as your parents will be happy.

    P.S. “guys are all so similar. Or are they just the same” was an unwarranted cheap shot.

    • > Why does your language sound like being single is a blotch on family? (Initial lines of first paragraph suggest that)
      > why don’t they find husbands who are willing to “provide” them the freedom? Somebody else needs to provide me my freedom? (I mentioned in my blog that they delay marriage not just run away from it)
      > You missed the question mark after the said lines. Also, I hope you know the exact difference between same and similar.

      • I was just trying to be neutral and print a picture from parents’ perspective. My second statement came out wrongly. Of-course your freedom should not be confined by someone else. I meant finding a husband who is happy with you maintaining your current lifestyle and vice versa. Ladies will also need to be content with their husbands’ need for freedom.

        I was not born in India so I may not fully grasp the full extent of this situation but your posts enlightened me. These issues which are being faced by single ladies in India have been faced by East and West decades ago. Western world faced this about 2-3 decades ago and for the Chinese, it started a decade ago. In fact it has reached such drastic levels that well “stable” Chinese ladies have to hire males to take on dates to get a sense of completion. I am from a place where ladies used to get married in late 20s to early 30s. Now early to mid-20s seems to be the magic number. To me personally, these are just numbers and I am not willing to settle for less than what I deserve.

        Being an engineer has taught me one thing: I cannot afford to waste time and money on reinventing everything. Do literature review and advance the research done by others. In the same way, we can learn from what the East and West have already faced. Maybe your next post can compare your concerns with what ladies in East and West have already faced.

        • In the third line of my blog, I subtly hinted that this blog represents a certain section of Indian society, to roughly put, non-orthodox families. To find a guy compatible with your own self is the reason marriage gets pushed to 30s. For me age is a very important number but I’m a believer of “to each his own”. I hope you are lucky enough to see how India has changed/changing 🙂

          • Regardless of what type of family it is, we all can surely learn from others who have already faced such issues.

            You seem to be an intelligent person so I am sure you will find a way of keeping it below 30. Can’t comment on others. Does this mean I will be left with 30+ budhiyas to get married with if I decide to find a bride from subcontinent? 😉

            My great-grandfather left India in early 1890s and I have been to India only once for holiday. I am hoping to get a better view of that change during my next trip.

            • “You seem to be an intelligent person so I am sure you will find a way of keeping it below 30.” Can’t help but notice that you are insinuating benefits of marrying before 30 in a very disparaging tone. To answer your question, Subcontinent has not gone that radical. Personally, I don’t think I’d be waiting that long.

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