Biggest fear of a father isn’t that his daughter will run away but that she would refuse to marry. Nowadays, parents accept love/inter-caste marriage as long as there is a formal girl-boy marriage (God save LGBT). Educating your daughter and letting her choose to work is an acceptable practice these days in a certain section of society but a surprisingly high number of ladies in that exact same category choose to study further or go to a different city to work for the sole purpose of dodging the topic of marriage. Are we seeing a sudden upsurge of women not wanting to get married, or at least taking a long time to make-up their minds?
Now that these women are finally allowed to have freedom to choose their career and guys in their lives, they are unimpressed with just that, they want more, much more. Independence is something you just can’t have enough of. Women now have their way while deciding field of study, jobs and ways to spend their hard-earned money. Their life, on paper, is perfect. They don’t see a reason to change it any sooner than it is required and that usually means unless there is too much pressure from friends and family members.
When these said family members try to lure you towards marriage, plus-point they show is stability. What does this stability really mean? For many women, stability is an important word when it comes to career, but not romantic life. We need a guarantee that it will be there tomorrow what we are doing, but not who we are doing. Sure, everyone needs a company but that is the thing about people these days, they are so darn replaceable. If you are a decent looking girl, guys will flirt with you, guys will ask you out and these guys are all so similar. Or are they just all the same?
If you, as a girl, are not going to be strong-armed by society, you can date, you can get regular sex, you can live-in, you can have entire relationship without marriage ever factoring in. Only problem is, does it take a toll on you emotionally, do you have to keep a check on how much are you investing emotionally? I can’t help but wonder, is this the reason guys are the way they are in a relationship? Did guys learn this lesson before us? Are we finally learning this lesson? Most importantly, where does this leave our society?
P.S. Choice of language that imparts the idea that society allowed women this freedom is intentional.
I should have been wanting to write this post since past five days but winters are making me lazy. All I want to do is be in my bed, watch a movie and sip a coffee; more importantly I just want to sleep! Anyway, finally I am writing it.
Anyone who enjoys Uttrayan in Gujarat knows that he also has to go through electricity fluctuation or whatever is the technical term for it. Because of this Kite flying, power keeps coming and going off. Even though there isn’t a lot of traffic on the road (everyone is on their respective terrace), streetlights weren’t working in some areas especially High-tension road and Subhanpura etc.
Because of lack of light and since I was driving slow, so that I don’t miss a particular lane that I was looking for (I was going to a cousin’s place), I was able to notice two guys following me on a bike. Obviously I tried the usual methods of drive fast, drive slow, indicate the other side & turn the other side etc (basically, drive like an idiot) to figure out if they were actually behind me. What I realized was worst, they were seasoned stalkers; they would vanish and then appear from thin air. I tried the trick I have mentioned in the previous incident but it didn’t work. I clearly showed them the bottle but I guess they were too vernacular to know about it.
I had no option but to resort to this. Thankfully there is one more sub-area in that area which I am aware of and that particular area had enough opportunities to drive rash and confront them. So that is what I did: made them overtake me but didn’t allow to actually do it, drove parallel to them in the sense that my window side was to them, push them to the end of the road (which has to be the wrong side of the road), gave them a very narrow place to drive and sprayed with my heart’s content. The one who was driving was a little out of my reach but the one riding pillion ended up shrieking.
I can’t express in words how good I felt after doing this to those idiots. But it wasn’t easy. First of all, this is the first time I actually sprayed! So, all you girls who carry a Pepper Spray, please learn how to aim. Also, if you are really bold, try spraying on your hands. You will realize what agony you are going to put others to. Since this was my first time and since I had not practiced, my aim wasn’t that good plus I ended up spraying a little inside the car itself. Trust me it is bad! I had to stop, go out, cough & sneeze for at least two minutes. There was a weird itching on my hand for the rest of the night (it happened around 10 pm)
Another lesson is for me. I’m getting myself a hockey stick next. I think I wouldn’t have to go through all of this if I had a hockey stick & I’d have shown that instead of Pepper Spray! That is the standard of those guys. They would understand only when they see something they are aware of. Hockey Stick would clearly tell them that I am not going to let them have their way whatever their way be. Stalking me is not allowed, period!
P.S. It has been five days since the incident and they haven’t been anywhere around me so I’m guessing I’m safe, at least from those two!
I am happy while I write this post because by the end of it, eve-teasers actually ran away. 😀
This incident happened few days back (and I have been meaning to write it since then but have been super lazy 😛 ). So while driving, all of us have experienced a situation wherein some guys on bike are just showing off but this particular pair of guys were a gone case. They’d zoom on the road and speak rubbish to everyone including me. I understand that they were in party mood (It was evening of Jan 1st) but what they spoke infuriated me.
Since the Delhi gang rape incident, even the smallest of things provoke me and this was no small thing by any measure, I was furious and I was just giving them a death stare. They noticed and were continually looking back at me. That provoked me even more and I decided to shout at them or overtake them and stop in the middle of the road and teach them a lesson (Mind you, I was on Jail road, so with so many policemen, traffic and SSG hospital and Narmada Bhavan so close by, I think I was pretty safe.) But luckily, I didn’t have to do anything, they sensed my anger and stopped smirking but kept looking back. I just knew they were talking about me being angry.
I knew they were waiting for my reaction and I started struggling to find the best reaction to this. What I ended up doing was the best thing I ever did. I opened my purse (kept on my passenger seat, never keep it on the back seat) with one hand and found my bottle of pepper spray. (I am a huge fan of Pepper Spray. I have never used it but it gives me so much of confidence. Of course, you can rely on baton or stun gun or whatever). I opened the cap and held it in my right hand ( so that I can easily spray from the window) while I kept driving.
And you won’t believe what just happened next, they stopped very close to a policemen so as to tie a handkerchief on their nose. If the situation wasn’t that tragic, it would have been super funny (actually it still was, at least in retrospect 😀 ). Naturally, I had stopped a little behind them to see what they were doing. I almost felt the rush that a guy would feel while chasing a girl. I had that “Today, I’m not leaving you. I’m gonna get you” feeling. Ultimately, I didn’t get them. I tried chasing them but they had sensed the trouble and were out of sight in no time.
I was still shaking with fury but I had achieved my purpose, I told them this attitude of theirs won’t be ignored and there will be an equal (probably more) and opposite reaction. Now, since I am not psychiatrist and can in no way claim to know what effect this will have on those guys, I am just hopeful that it won’t encourage them.
P.S. While I write this post, a radio station I’m listening to plays “naye zamane ke laila hun main teri pungi baje ke rahungi” 😛
I had already written a blog post in context of Delhi-Gang-Rape case so I wasn’t going to write again but this happened with me today and I am still shivering (post an hour or so of the incident) and I didn’t know how to express my fury other than by writing this blog post!
Thanks to the ongoing India-Pakistan match, I had to do the job of getting curd from a nearby shop. I was passing by and a guy, talking to his friend sitting on a bike, looked at me and commented something which I will put under the definition of eve-teasing. Ideally, women like me are safe; we roam around in groups, carry pepper sprays, keep car windows up and usually we don’t talk to strangers. I feel pretty safe. What that guy said made no difference to me, I didn’t even listen to exact words he spoke but the words I heard were enough for me to assume the statement he would have made.
I almost walked past him but all the frustration from what we have been listening on TV was pent-up inside me and I realized I don’t want this guy to think that he can get away with speaking rubbish to someone. I just turn around, scolded him, slapped him and he reacted as well. Luckily, it was day time and there were a lot of people. That guy worked in a garage close to my place, the owner came and stopped the fight and scolded him. If I’d have walked out of the situation, nothing would have happened. But I didn’t and now I am hurt (Argg, his grip was strong and I hate the fact that he held my hand but then I slapped him, so yeah, fair enough)
I don’t know what I did was right or wrong. I am specially confused because that garage owner knows my Dad and if my Dad finds out about it, he is going to start worrying about me. I just didn’t want him to think that he can get away, I didn’t want him to think that a girl won’t reciprocate and I definitely didn’t want that guy to be lead on and harass other girls.
Disclaimer: Read the entire first paragraph and not just first two lines before hating me.
You can hate me for saying this but, from my experience, I believe that any state with more than 1 rape/molestation case registered in a week needs to ban alcohol with immediate effect. I am not saying that such horrendous acts happen only because of the influence of alcohol. No, I would never say that. What I am trying to say is, banning alcohol is not a preemptive measure, but it is a punishment for people for not making a state be a better place, it is punishment for all parents for not making their kids a good person, it is a punishment for all youngsters for not making their friends be a good person, it is a punishment for all of you who are not a good person.
How can we talk about freedom to drink when there is no freedom to safety? There needs to law and order before there is any freedom. Freedom comes once we establish a structure. It can not go the other way round. As for the parallel economy or black money that will come into this equation because of such a practice of banning alcohol, please explain me how much good has our government done any way with all the money that we give them as taxes, that money is stashed in Swiss accounts. I’d rather have a small parallel economy running than see a girl with such injuries. I’d rather see youngsters complaining for lack of freedom than see a life ruined. I’d rather have people drinking sneakily and illegally at their homes than see them out in the open and making scenes. I’d rather see every one (girl or a boy) complaining and suffering from injustice of not being allowed to drink in public than see guys having the right to move around at night and girls being held captives in the comforts of their own homes after dark. I’d rather have everyone not being allowed to live their life to the fullest than see some people succumbing to injuries and losing their lives.
For me, rape, molestation, eve-teasing etc are the worst crimes of all. They are worse than assassin, murder, riots, forgery, extortion, robbery, embezzlement and even genocide. I don’t think I’d be very wrong if I say there is at least one rape every half an hour. Rapes disgust me the most because, more often than not, the victim here is not planned before hand. Just because I guy is horny, any girl who comes in his way, gets to suffer. This attitude depicts the way people in the country are, it shows how nobody cared for law, it shows how less concerned are we for our women, it shows how less a life means to us.
I am not trying to victimize alcohol for the acts some stupid people do. There is very fine line between blaming alcohol for such acts and banning it as a punishment for not making the society our society law-abiding and civilized. You might ask that if it is such a fine line, how come alcohol came into a picture of rapes and molestation, it did because I live in a state which is extremely safe and which has alcohol forbidden. I have lived here for more than two decades and take my word for it, I have NEVER felt unsafe, not for a SECOND. May be it is just the culture of the city and it has got nothing to do with alcohol after all, but I would want to see this culture in the entire country. It hurts me that administrative capital of my country is also the rape capital.
May be you will find faults in what I say, but why don’t you try to find a better solution instead? While you do, we can experiment with banning alcohol in the state. While I know my voice is not going to reach the ears of the likes of Sheila Dixit, I rejoice in the fact that I live in a city where I am safe. My dear Delhi counterparts, I feel sorry for you. All my sympathies with you, may God save you from other humans around you!
A small act that women should do when their state is going through election process. Go to all the polls and put up a poster saying, “Decrease crimes against women and I might vote for you next time”. It is a small act. I am not sure if it will work or not but it is, I guess, worth a try.
1. If you find a fault in my plan, I’m sure we can improvise. Don’t bother telling me it won’t work without giving proper reasons.
2. Just to reiterate, I am NOT saying that only drunkards rape, I am not even averse to the fact that alcohol might have nothing to do with rapes. All I have suggested is just a punishment for entire society and thereby kindling a hope of improvement.