Tag Archive | girl

Love So Pure


Good Lord, must it be difficult to be a father.  How much a father loves his beautiful and smart daughter has been shown in movies and books enough already but what about the fathers with not-so-perfect daughters? I am pretty sure that a father, unlike any other man, would adore her irrespective of her being aesthetically beautiful or not but what if the said flaws are not physical?

The most difficult task after the forgiving someone is to love them unconditionally post forgiving. Loving an asshole, making society question his parenting, getting married against his wishes, talking back, rash driving, tattoos, alcohol and what not, fathers have forgiven everything. How do fathers love us when we are flawed all the time? In today’s world, we have come to terms with forgiving lying, cheating, back-stabbing, two-timing and whatnot! Personally having forgiven enough of these vices but not never being able to love post the ordeal, I have started to wonder if their love is different than the one that we have come to learn of.

A father pays an obscene amount of money for his daughter’s education, compliments her cooking- experiments even if he is intolerant to those of his wife’s, suppresses his fears every time some guy is mentioned, melts when the daughter coaxes him into fulfilling her absurd shopping wish-list, patiently shows her how much love she deserves thereby establishing a precedent for another man who will love her, watches her turn from a baby into a woman and all this just to turn his back on her and give her away one day and then not to see her months at a stretch? When a man loves his wife, there is desire; with parents, there is a sense of duty; unlike a son, generally speaking, a daughter isn’t even a support for his old age; with daughters, it is pure affection.

Is key to this transcendental love the fact that they are too busy with their jobs or is it a conscious effort to ignore the mistakes of his teenage daughter. May be it is decades of knowing their daughters, especially in their formative years, or maybe it is some logic of same genes/blood that leads to unconditional love. I heard a story once that a father didn’t utter a single word when his daughter drew all over his passport after which he had to take pains of getting it re-issued*. What do we daughters do in return for all that love? Sure, you can’t compare love but I’m certain a daughter’s love isn’t as pure as her father’s. I can’t be the only one who has had multiple bouts of hatred (please tell me I’m not the only horrible daughter or else I’d have a huge pang of guilt on me for the rest of my life.)

Being a father is such a painful job but at the same time I can see that it is gratifying to have a daughter. Seeing his daughter all grown-up in a dress and heels has to be a proud feeling but it must also hurt to know that there is no little girl with pigtails anymore.  Marrying a daughter away has to be relief but it surely leaves a father bereft. Is there an underlying masochism of some sort?  Do guys today want to be a father anymore? Do they have it in them?

“A Daughter is a treasure and a cause for sleeplessness” Ben Sirach
“It kills you to see them grown up but I guess it will kill you faster if they didn’t” Barbara Kingsolver

P.S. Since a few of you asked, this is not a dedication to my father, he is not even in the same country right now.

*Thank you Apsara for sharing that anecdote.

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Guys Vs Men (Manchala hai, Khubsurat hai Magar Ladka hai)


“Barkhudar, husn ka mazak na udana, kahin husn ke aage tera mazar na ban jaye.
Manchala hai, khubsurat hai magar ladka hai
Tujhe ladko aur mardo me fark kaun samjhaye”

These lines by Madhuri elicited a gab about difference between a boy and a man. I still remember Mrs Burke (in Grey’s Anatomy) telling George “staying in a marriage out of obligation? That’s no way to live. That’s no way to love. But I think you know that already.” and Derek “Do you know when to walk away? Do you know when not to take less than you deserve? If you do, then you’re an honorable man. Honorable men are all built the same.” What is this category of Honorable Men, now? Guys become men and sometimes these men become honorable men. Sometimes these honorable men also go back to being guys but that is another discussion altogether.

Remember when you were younger, you’d wear shorts and minis to look hotter than the next girl to get attention of your crush? Then you grew up, got busier with your life; you still wear shorts but the reasons are different, more reasonable now. You aren’t insecure sex-crazy teenager anymore who needs to keep increasing her score. You were a girl then, you are a woman now. Girls attract boys and women attract men. It’s easy to spot a hot chirpy girl and it is equally easy to spot a poised elegant woman. Guys look for former with their wild and exciting stories; men, on the other hand, love women and seek the experiences that molded them into the woman they are now. Men look for women with intelligence, wit, sense of humor,the way she talks and what she talks while guys are satisfied with the girls who’d pout and whine and drink and dance. Dating a boy has its advantages, a boy isn’t certain about who he is or what he wants so you can train him to be how you like, getting him is easy since he’s passive, he is exciting as he wants to show off to his friends and most importantly you don’t need to give him a lot of time or commitment as he any way wants to spend time with his buddies getting drunk.

A man knows the value of time and energy, he wouldn’t play around toys. He knows how difficult it is to find a great person, he knows one when he sees one and he wouldn’t let go off her. Every one is afraid of rejections but he will still put himself out there and make himself vulnerable, he is assertive in his approach. [As Nate (Gossip Girl) said “You know it’s love when you start talking like an assassin.”]. A guy needs validation so he acts strong and pursues only those with whom there’s no risk. With women these days being outspoken, a guy wants her to approach him. If a woman sees something in you, she will approach you but at the same time she will lose a little bit of respect for you thinking that you could not take an initiative. Talking about approaching, I absolutely loathe guys asking out on FB chats and whatsapp, it is like a shield so that you don’t need to face someone, it is like the power alcohol gives you. The more ways we have to communicate, the more I value the older ways. With advancements in technology and this habit of constantly staying in touch, flirting virtually is convenient but Flirting online and in-person are two entirely different things. During a conversation you think is life-altering, for all you know, the guy might be sitting at a strip club talking to you! A man has the courage to be honest and values you enough to flirt in-person, he respects you enough to give his entire attention to you and not make you one of the many girls he flirts with online – simultaneously! He wants to see you smiling with your eyes rather than a smiley emoticon!

A guy lets you decide where to go on a date, so does a man but he gives you option cos he has a clarity of purpose. A guy likes to hangout with a girl he likes, a man asks out the woman he likes. Guys are cool and indifferent, Men are hot and passionate. A guy experiences thrill of chase, a man is steady and shows perseverance. A guy knows there is always a prettier girl, a man believes if he won’t someone else will and it will be his huge loss. A guy tells you he’ll text you before leaving, a man will give you at least 12-hour notice before a date. A guy is testing what kind of girl can he land, a man decides what kind of woman he wants. A guy tells you “I told you so”, a man tells you “I wish I could have changed it”. A guy is proud after winning an argument, a man is emotional after an argument irrespective of who wins. A guy gets into a relationship cos he is old enough, a man because he is ready and met a great woman. A guy remembers the crazy sex he had with a stranger, a man remembers the conversation he had with that stranger.

A man is okay not looking hot as long as he is groomed. He is comfortable not having password on his phone as he has nothing to hide from friends or family. He wouldn’t go out with anyone who asks him out, he values himself enough for that. He is decisive in what he is looking for and so when meets one, he wears his heart on his sleeves. He’d rather be alone than with a wrong woman. He also knows when it is becoming counter-productive and he doesn’t hesitate from taking a tough decision and calling quits. He is honest and wouldn’t shy away from confrontation unlike a guy who’d be stuck in a wrong relationship to avoid the “talk” and ultimately cheat or become so boring that their girl has to break-up. At the same time a man also knows that mistakes happen and would give you a second chance. He knows that relationship is for companionship, for emotional growth and support. A gentleman would never take advantage of a lady who has had more than her share of the bottle. He knows that in any relationship, the woman sets the pace. He would never kiss and tell, playing mind games is waste of his time.

Unfortunately, I see only guys around and so do women around me and they end up settling for less than what they deserve with the hope that they can bring out the best in them. As for me, I haven’t dated enough to generalize my category but I relate to Christina (Grey’s Anatomy) when she says “Screw beautiful. I am Brilliant. If you want to appease me, compliment my brain.”

Punish, Since We Can’t Save


Disclaimer: Read the entire first paragraph and not just first two lines before hating me.

You can hate me for saying this but, from my experience, I believe that any state with more than 1 rape/molestation case registered in a week needs to ban alcohol with immediate effect. I am not saying that such horrendous acts happen only because of the influence of alcohol. No, I would never say that. What I am trying to say is, banning alcohol is not a preemptive measure, but it is a punishment for people for not making a state be a better place, it is punishment for all parents for not making their kids a good person, it is a punishment for all youngsters for not making their friends be a good person, it is a punishment for all of you who are not a good person.

How can we talk about freedom to drink when there is no freedom to safety? There needs to law and order before there is any freedom. Freedom comes once we establish a structure. It can not go the other way round. As for the parallel economy or black money that will come into this equation because of such a practice of banning alcohol, please explain me how much good has our government done any way with all the money that we give them as taxes, that money is stashed in Swiss accounts. I’d rather have a small parallel economy running than see a girl with such injuries. I’d rather see youngsters complaining for lack of freedom than see a life ruined. I’d rather have people drinking sneakily and illegally at their homes than see them out in the open and making scenes. I’d rather see every one (girl or a boy) complaining and suffering from injustice of not being allowed to drink in public than see guys having the right to move around at night and girls being held captives in the comforts of their own homes after dark. I’d rather have everyone not being allowed to live their life to the fullest than see some people succumbing to injuries and losing their lives.

For me, rape, molestation, eve-teasing etc are the worst crimes of all. They are worse than assassin, murder, riots, forgery, extortion, robbery, embezzlement and even genocide. I don’t think I’d be very wrong if I say there is at least one rape every half an hour. Rapes disgust me the most because, more often than not, the victim here is not planned before hand.  Just because I guy is horny, any girl who comes in his way, gets to suffer. This attitude depicts the way people in the country are, it shows how nobody cared for law, it shows how less concerned are we for our women, it shows how less a life means to us.

I am not trying to victimize alcohol for the acts some stupid people do. There is very fine line between blaming alcohol for such acts and banning it as a punishment for not making the society our society law-abiding and civilized. You might ask that if it is such a fine line, how come alcohol came into a picture of rapes and molestation, it did because I live in a state which is extremely safe and which has alcohol forbidden. I have lived here for more than two decades and take my word for it, I have NEVER felt unsafe, not for a SECOND. May be it is just the culture of the city and it has got nothing to do with alcohol after all, but I would want to see this culture in the entire country. It hurts me that administrative capital of my country is also the rape capital.

May be you will find faults in what I say, but why don’t you try to find a better solution instead? While you do, we can experiment with banning alcohol in the state. While I know my voice is not going to reach the ears of the likes of Sheila Dixit, I rejoice in the fact that I live in a city where I am safe. My dear Delhi counterparts, I feel sorry for you. All my sympathies with you, may God save you from other humans around you!

A small act that women should do when their state is going through election process. Go to all the polls and put up a poster saying, “Decrease crimes against women and I might vote for you next time”. It is a small act. I am not sure if it will work or not but it is, I guess, worth a try.

P.S.

1. If you find a fault in my plan, I’m sure we can improvise. Don’t bother telling me it won’t work without giving proper reasons.

2. Just to reiterate, I am NOT saying that only drunkards rape, I am not even averse to the fact that alcohol might have nothing to do with rapes. All I have suggested is just a punishment for entire society and thereby kindling a hope of improvement.

Money: The Price To Buy Beauty?


I have been a sort of person who is repulsed at anyone who objectifies women. So, clearly, when somebody would talk in the tone that “Women need to be beautiful”, it used to irritate me completely. I’d any day be partial to a compliment “You are smart” over “You are beautiful”. I’d always be inclined to the person giving former compliment over the one giving the latter one. And it goes without saying that I do not like the notion of society that the guys should be affluent and the girls should be pretty.

Recently I came across this episode of Lie To Me in which a rich guy asks the crew to take a test on his fiance and find out if she is taking vows with him for “Right Reasons”. By the end of the episode, it was concluded that she was marrying him because he was rich and she loved him. Episode said something like how can you separate your money from you, it’s just a part of you. Point to note here was why the Rich guy was marrying the not-so-rich-but-extremely-beautiful-girl. Were his Reasons Right?

This made me see the other side of this whole dogma. You can not separate a guy from his money and you can not separate a girl from her beauty. It is the part of the whole personality that one falls in love with. Similarly, in Indian setting, the guy is also supposed to be street smart and the girl is also supposed to be able to take care of home/cook apart from just being pretty. It is just inseparable. When you fall in love, you can’t say that this person is nice at heart and that’s why I love him/her. (I believe every one has a grey shade. If you give people a benefit of doubt and actually try and understand them, everyone has a reason of doing an abominable act). When you fall in love, you love the whole essence of the other person; how she dresses, how she talks, how she reacts in situations, how hygienic she is, will she respect my parents, is she presentable, can I take her to parties. And similarly, will he be take care of me, is he violent, will I be able to adjust to the culture of his family, will he make my life easy. Being nice is just not enough anymore. The grace, the charm, the elegance and similarly the class, the company, the family etc is the part of it.  There is some idea in your mind and the person who you fall in love with is compatible with it. Money and beauty are just part of it. Beautiful Women wish to be seen and similarly Rich Men fancy exhibiting their wealth.

It goes without saying that I am talking about independent individuals who are almost nice if not perfect Ms-Goody-Two-Shoes. Being with a guy ONLY because he is rich or being with a girl only because she is extremely beautiful, never happens. No girl can possibly want a luxurious life if the guy is violent. Similarly no guy would want some extremely pretty girl who is good for nothing. There always is a balance. You compromise some traits and you love the whole idea of the other person. Falling in love with JUST one trait is impossible.

Beauty and Cost always go hand in hand. Or may be not.

Women Can Change India


I read somewhere recently that Life is Cheap in India (all South-Asian Countries). There are just so many people that there is no value of a single individual. I don’t even want to get into the stats of how many kids are born each day in India and how many people die. Population has been our problem and every one knows that. There are various scheme government initiates to encourage couples to have just 2 kids. I recently came across this One Child Policy (Click) and read how China implemented it along with its Pros and Cons. If you have read these articles, you will notice that negatives of this policy are only because of the way Chinese Government IMPLEMENTED it. What India needs to do is simple, Encourage ONLY one birth per woman and ADOPTIONS!! It is surprising how Chinese government did not use the adoption as the cure of all problems. In case you do not have much idea about negative effects of One Child Policy, I’ll brief you!

  • Skewed sex ratio (Way More Men Than Women) : Now I fail to understand this. If there is a boy preference dogma in the society, couples will keep producing till they get a son. If the first kid is a boy, they need not produce again at all. If not, it increases number of women, How does this policy decreases the number of women for every 1000 men? In any case, my post is for Urban Women and they (I am sure) do not believe in this rubbish Boy-is-better-than-Girl drama. And even if you want a boy & you get a girl or vice-a-versa, GO ADOPT!!! (Here I believe that Urban Women are smart enough to know the side-effects abortions & female infanticide have. So, I believe they won’t stoop down to THAT level at least!! )

P.S. And irrespective of all this, if there are too many men for women, I think it is perfect! Guys will have to work hard and be their best self. 😛 This is what I call Women Empowerment! Yo Ladies, high-five!!

  • The 4-2-1 ratio: This means that the single kid has responsibility of 2 parents & 4 Grand parents. This makes people believe that the only kid will be over burdened and not able to handle responsibility! Hello, did you notice the money you saved by not getting the second child? Go, get yourself a nurse! Nurse will any day take better care of you than your child (boy or girl). And you also generate employment. This is called win-win!!
  • The Emperor Syndrome: Some analysts believe that if the Child won’t have a sibling, parents will over indulge in their only child and make the child a snob (No, they did not use that word. But what do you call a person who does not mingle with other kids &  is over indulged by parents?) This analysis I found the funniest! Are they trying to tell that parents do not know their limits? They are almost 25-30!! They should already know. And what is this thing about not mingling with others? Who said kids only mingle with their siblings? What happened to schools kids & society kids & tuition/classes??

These are the only negatives I came across, if you know more, comment & let me know. I am sure I will have loads to say about that as well. Anyway, I don’t want to talk about JUST the policy. I’ll tell you how women can change India. Just Imagine, If all women decide to give birth to only one child (and you can adopt as many as you want), how brilliant it will be! The constant resources like land (agricultural , Forest & residential) , water, Food, Petrol etc will be available in abundance for us(Well not really abundance, but you get the point)! Nobody will die out of hunger because agricultural land will still be there, what will govt do with the excessive production (Hopefully not let it rot or export)? Traffic will be reduced to half. Oh, I can already dream about it. Right now we wait for 60 seconds (or more) on traffic signals, we will just have to wait for 30 seconds!! Our normal roads will have half the vehicles, it will be like driving on highways! best part will be residential area! We will have so much land for our houses!!

I don’t know why Indian Government does not promote adoption effectively. Whenever I hear about a celebrity adopting kids, I start respecting them. Sushmita Sen earned my respect by adopting 2 girls! There aren’t many famous Adopted Indians but I found out that Naval Tata (father of Ratan Tata) was adopted son. Also Maharaja Sayajirao Gaekwad III (Ruler of Vadodara, Gujarat) was not the born heir to the throne, he was adopted. In fact, His son was the first boy who would actually be the first direct born heir to the throne of the Gaekwads in four generations.

You know how we always talk about doing our bit for the country? This is your chance! Only you can do it and nobody else (This is a Shout-out to all the ladies!!) Please promise yourself that you will give birth to only one child, if you like lot of kids, ADOPT!!! More importantly, talk to all your girl friends about this. And when you go to any one’s marriage, make sure you talk to the bride about this!! Go Girl!!!